A women in her 4o's goes to se the plastic surgeon and explains her prediciment,"I've had a very active sex life and mt vagina is looking a bit shabby and wornout,can you trim it up and make it look smart again?,no problem says he.She say you must not tell anyone I want it kept a secret.After she comes out of the anaesthetic she sees 2 red roses next to her bed and says to plastic surgeon "I told you I wanted it kept a secret" the plastic surgeon replies " dont worry, the one is from the nurse who assisted me and the other is from the guy in the next ward thanking you for his new ears"

What did Clinton say when accused of copying his homework from hisgirlfriend at Oxford?I did not have textual relations with that woman.

An old married couple, celebrating their 53rd anniversary, decides to spend the day at the picnic spot where they had their first date way back when Captain Morgan was still a corporal.
Sitting their on their comfy blanky, the walked down memory lane. Suddenly the wife sees an old fence off in the distance, and with a twinkle in her eye she turns to hubby and asked him: ”Dear, do you still remember what we did over at that fence almost sixty years ago?”. Hubby smiles, winks and asks her if she wishes to go down that road again, just for the sake of nostalgia. Wife agrees and off they go...
At the fence, the glowing wife bends down, drops the skirt while hubby grabs the fence and starts pounding away. He lasts this way for more than two hours, completely tiring his wife out.
When he was finally done, lying on the ground panting, his wife turns to him and says: ”Wow dear, I couldn't remember it being that intense sixty years ago!” to which hubby replies: ” I also can't remember that bloody fence being electrified sixty years ago!”

Q. Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
A. Because their plugged into a genius!

Q. What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?
A. If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!

Whats best about shagging Twenty - Eight year olds?
There is Twenty of them!

Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather.
Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...


A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that.

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.

He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says: “I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!”

The Madam is astonished. “But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal.”

The trucker replies: “Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick.”

Gatiep and Gamat are missioning home after a good piss-up session at the local dockside watering hole. After a while the pass a long brick wall, and Gatiep being the inquisitive drunk that he is, climbs onto an old four cousins case and looks over the wall.
"Jarre Gamat, check this, there is a moerse prang on the other side of the wall!" Gamat, also feeling inquisitive, gets on the case and looks over.
He turns around and klaps gamat off the case and shouts at him: "Djou moer man, this is a scrapyard!"

A guy from Witbank is driving through Brakpan, on the way to the hospital as his mother in law is undergoing liver transplant surgery and he wants to drop off the get well soon bottle of Klipdrift. He gets lost and sees a Brakpanite leaning against a streetlight. He stops and asks the Brakpanite: "What is the fastest way to get to the hospital?"
The Brakpanite looks at the Witbanker warily and says: "Call me a doos..."

What's the difference between a 70 year old man and the Blue bulls rugby team ?

The 70 year old can at least get a semi !

Ouch... That hurt deeply Heavy.... I thought this thread was for laughs and not insults.... Lol