I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails.Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on pupose.

Yeah,You remember kissing.It used to come between saying Hi and fucking.I'm an old fashioned guy.

I met a girl in a bar and asked if we could go to bed.She told me that she didn't like casual sex.I told her,"ok I'll wear a tie"

I was reading an article that was dicussing a rare medical condition in which people actually have sex while they are asleep>Now correct me if I am wrong but isn't that called marriage?

I'm getting back with Sonia------I thought it was only dogs that returned to their own vomit.

Love is the fart
Of every heart:
It pains a man when 'tis kept close
And others doth offend when 'tis let loose.

How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking,and in the end you lose your house.

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw

The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.
Benjamin Franklin

I'm sorry officer but I can't stop speeding... the earth is spinning way over the speed limit in this zone. -

"The average person thinks he isn’t."

"If you haven’t got
anything nice to say about
anybody, come sit next to
me." lol

"The problems that exist in the world
today cannot be solved by the level of
thinking that created them."
- Albert Einstein...
.......

"We can not remove e-toll emotionalliee... we must remove it fizykaaaliee." -Julius Malema

"Before you criticize someone, you
should walk a mile in his or her shoes.
That way, when you criticize them,
you're a mile away and you have their
shoes." :P

“Time flies like an
arrow. Fruit flies like a
banana.”

Just as a woman's eyes are the mirror to her sole, her shapely bottom is her seat of learning

@Sean ...lol...You gonna give someone a spanking ? :P