High School Reunion

Have you ever been guilty of looking at someone your own age and thinking, 'Surely I can't look that old?' You'll love this one.
My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which showed his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name who had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could this be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

'Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang,' he beamed with pride.

'When did you graduate?' I asked.

He answered, 'In 1959. Why do you ask?'

'You were in my class!' I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald wrinkled, fat, gray, decrepit son-of-a-gun asked, 'What did you teach?'

Osama Bin Laden has been running a curtaining shop in the Oriental Plaza for years , but nobody thought of looking for him there...

Q. What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker?

A. A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

nice one Zen, good to see you can take the mickey outa wg's and not feel uptight about.

Incidentally, what's the difference between a WG and fish in water?


The fish cuts through the water and the WG waters through her cut!

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.


It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.


Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'


'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.


If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'


As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.


I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.


Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'


'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.


By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.


I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'


'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

IRISH SOCCER FAN

APPARENTLY

AN IRISH WOMAN SOCCER SUPPORTER WAS SCARED TO COME TO SOUTH AFRICA



BECAUSE SHE HEARD SHE MIGHT HAVE TO BLOW A ZULUFELLA

Piet and Koos, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.
>
> Piet turns to Koos and says, 'You know, I'm tired of going through life
> without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college, and
> sign up for some classes.'
>
> Koos thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Piet goes
> down to the college and meets dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the
> four basic classes: Maths, English, History, and Logic.
>
> 'Logic?' Piet says. 'What's that?'
>
> The dean says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?'
>
> 'Yeah.'
>
> 'Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you
> would have a yard.'
>
> 'That's true, I do have a yard.'
>
> 'I'm not done,' the dean says. 'Because you have a yard, I think logically
> that you would have a house.'
>
> 'Yes, I do have a house.'
>
> 'And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
> family.'
>
> 'Yes, I have a family.'
>
> 'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a
> wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a
> heterosexual.'
>
> 'I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to findout all of that
> because I have a weed eater.'
>
> Excited to take the class now, Piet shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go
> meet Koos at the bar. He tells Koos about his classes, how he is signed up
> for Maths, English, History, and Logic.
>
> 'Logic?' Koos says, 'What's that?'
>
> Piet says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?'
>
> 'No.'
>
> 'Then you're a moffie ..........'

A sheila goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

Doctor: “What happened?”

Woman: “Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp.”

Doctor: “I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep.”

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!”

Doctor: “You see how much it helps to keep your mouth shut.”

LMAO!

Great stuff, hot and others!

Love the moffie joke reminds me of arcangel's logic

Well, we know Adman and Eve haven’t been China's! If they were, they would have chosen to eat the snake, and not the apple!