If I had a Rich Man If I had a rich man, Deiger deiger deidle deiger deidle deiger diedle dum, All day long I'd sit upon my bum, If I had a wealthy man … I … wouldn't have to work hard, Bugger rising early every day for work before the Sun, If I had a really bloody rich, Heavy wallet … Tiger of a man. I'd trade my soul for wealth and trivial possessions, I'd prostitute myself for jewels and gold, A Maid … A Cook … A Gardener to mow my lawn. My dogs and I would live … high on the hog, Each day we would swim and run and play, Sleep till lunch … and party until dawn. I'd liberate myself from the Hippy Commune, Buy a freehold block bordering a National Park, With no-one else polluting my water supply, No nosy neighbours straining their ears … then complaining, About noise … every time I sneeze or fart … Invading privacy … and spreading malicious lies. If I had a rich man, I'd get a truckload of VIAGRA so I wouldn't have to stray, I'd hire a Nurse in case of Cardiac Arrest, For when I put the VIAGRA to the test, At first he'd believe that he'd been truly blessed, If I had a wealthy man.!.!.!.

I Wish I Was A Donut I wish I was a donut
And get eaten every day
To stick on someone's fingers
In a most delightful way I wish I was a donut
Sugar coated just for fun
Full and round for easy grip
And a hole to put your tongue I wish I was a donut
Long and filled with custard cream
Delicious on the taste buds
A succulent silken dream

At the end of the tax year, SARS sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the SARS agent was checking the books he turned to the CEO of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?"

"Good question," noted the CEO. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company an...d every now and then they send us a free box of bandages."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.

"What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"

"Ah, yes," replied the CEO, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question . "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CEO. "Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CEO. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to SARS, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."