...and there it was, the need to cloister myself, the need to switch off all devices and hand pick a few people who would understand my need for few words and actions gentle, unhurried and quietly telling even in the kiss of fingertips.

What was it that had me cowering away from public platforms on my return from Durban nearly 10 days ago?
Was it that feeling of absolute exhaustion, feeling over-exposed, over-worked for, i am a personal slave driver...totally drained.
The working all hours and knowing nothing more than the concern to survive on all levels...thanking my lucky stars to be as busy, trying not to give in to the madness of truths and untruths told over and over making me cower away from becoming part of the zaniness of most suffering from FOMO.

All of a sudden i felt i had to hide. Things just seemed soooo heavy and tooo much.

That strong drive to be professional, hit hard on all levels, marketing, new material, writing come day or night or week or weekend, became a daunting task...as did my health and wellness side of business.

And thus...there in the dark i sat and a strong need washed over me that i needed the 'solitude' of me and 'another' who too, was looking to reconnect in a very telling personal way...the bravery to be the 'self' and ask questions without the hindrance of being judged or thought of as boring or mad...and at the end of such a share, surrender to a sincere and intimate gentle feeding off of each other.

There are very few who dare to be open about themselves and let go. There are very few who know to make love with a touch, with a look, with a whisper and that was exactly what i needed to rekindle with those who were looking for it too.

Thus i hid. Luckily in my hiding i found others that needed to hide in the same way as me.

It was wonderful.

I thank u for the many philosophical conversations. I thank u for laughing with me and i thank u for your kindness when the unexplained melancholy nostalgia sometimes knew to show itself.

I have become brave again to resurface into a space and place i have always enjoyed and just needed to be reminded what it meant to me.

It takes all sorts to bring home a few truths, even when one considers oneself level headed and with ones feet firmly planted on the ground.

What i do know is that honesty and sincerity, being humble coupled with empathy are beautiful traits in oh! so many people...and those are the ones that know to keep the world going round and round...i would like to imagine i too can be that for someone out there, when needed.

Thus may all who feel a little off keel, a little challenged and quiet know, u are not alone and it is ok, even though it may feel heavy.

It has been a hard hard HARD many months and the uncertainty of what lays ahead is ok...yes ok. WE are more resilient than we know and there are MANY MANY good and caring people that do understand...don't be shy, don't hold back to seek what u need.

Strength and courage to all!!

I AM BACK!!

XXX

RB.

It will help you te remain sane. Keep your head balanced.
Come out stronger, dear.

Thank u most dearest Frank the tank.

Balance. How many of us fool ourselves to understand the meaning of such. I thought i was one of the most balanced people but, got lost in the demands created by spewed propaganda drawing one in to behave and live like the puppet one is demanded to be.

It is a term as dynamic as life itself and lest one forget, all of a sudden one can come up with ones head against the wall, questioning who one is and what happened.

The biggest gift one can gift oneself is to remember one is HUMAN and very disposable, nothing special about any one of us, no matter how resilient or strong or level headed one could be and thus, to take a step back...now and again...and re-assess what it is one wants out of the only life one has....and LIVE!

This time round my re-assessemnt was brought on by the many people who had walked through my life of late, and all they can talk about is FEAR FEAR FEAR...the only advise to give is BE CAREFUL!

And worst of all...me being in the field of health and wellness, apart from the sensual, is to see the sadness and affects on families of this spewing and the youth more lost and without direction or any incentive that their future long lives do have purpose.

It is time humans remember what it means to be human, what it means to have a life and NOT live in the shadow of death...otherwise why not just dig ones own grave and jump in it.

To be wise is not to be fearful. To live is not to try convince another they shall die unless....

Time to shun the fear mongers and spread hope among the sad and broken. This silly season is even harder than many past.

And thus again....Gloriously Blessed with courage and strength may ALL be!!...and may we know to be supportive of those that need it most.

Sanity has prevailed and balance has been restored for now...till the next re-assessment.

xxx

RB.

A very big thank u to all girls and boys who have messaged me and shared their tribulations and uncertainties.

To take that step and courageously open up is not an easy thing but, knowing one is not going crazy and is not alone does know to shine a light at the end of a loooong never ending tunnel.

Plus...a little humour never hurt and being silly and laughing always seems to lighten a personal burden and add a new perspective to ones surroundings.



Kiss u all ever so close!!! We are in the same boat after all...and we ain't gonna let it sink!

x

You are quite obviously an amazing person. Well done for being so self-aware and finding the words to heal.

Dear StaalBurger48

Thank u for such a huge compliment. I am my worst critic as well as biggest fan. I suffer from no delusions as to my shortcomings but that does not stunt me in the need to change when required and like myself for at least trying.

None of us are born perfect and THAT i am very aware of and accepting of others...even when they think they are.

Could it be that being human is the biggest test we shall face in our life and how we deal with it will determine our like of self and others?

It is not words that heal me as much as being real about who i am and life itself and just putting it out there in the hope others may find comfort IN my words.

x